The First Trimester

I felt great for about the next three days…and then the morning sickness started.  It was bad…and not just in the morning.  I was hardly able to keep any food down.  I spent October, November and December feeling like I might die.  I was nauseous, and so weak that I could barely walk to the bathroom at times.  Leaving the apartment was an ordeal…Moscow is a city of many smells and I had never been more aware of them.  I remember vividly taking the metro to a doctor’s appointment.  I found an empty seat and flopped down.  The first breath I took I started gagging.  The man next to me smelled like vodka, fish and body odor.  It took everything within me to not get sick on that train.  

During this time not only did I feel bad physically, but emotionally I was frustruated.  There were so many things that I wanted and needed to do.  I felt like such a waste living in another country and not being able to get out of bed some days.  I had to learn to let go of control.  It was hard really learning that I didn’t have control of my circumstances, the world around me or even my own body.  It was a hard lesson to learn…and one that would be repeated over and over during this pregnancy. 

About a week before Christmas I woke up not feeling as bad as usual.  I declared that morning sickness was over and that we needed to go Christmas shopping.  Tim and I invited a couple of our friends to go with us to a big mall a little ways outside of the city.  We took the metro about 15 minutes to where we could catch the bus.  We got on the always crowded bus out to the mall, and found a place to stand.  About 5 minutes into the ride…I started feeling lightheaded.  I told Tim I wasn’t feeling well…he assumed it was the usual and started looking for a bag.  By that point I couldn’t tell him that wasn’t the problem.  I just held on to the bar in front of me and focused on staying conscious.  Then everything went dark and I felt peaceful .  I woke up about 30 seconds later on the floor of the bus with about 50 Russian faces all looking down at me.  Tim thankfully had caught me on my way down and was franticly calling my name.  It took me awhile to recognize where I was and what was going on.  Tim was finally able to stand me up and someone gave me a seat.  Everyone on the bus stared at me for the rest of the trip…probably thinking I had swine flu.